Love.

As I read through the book of Genesis I can't help but notice the the different forms of love being portrayed. I think that love is one of my favorite topics, one of my favorite things to do and one of the hardest things to understand. I have told Jeff before of how much I appreciate his love for me and the beautiful picture it paints of just the beginning of God's love for us. I say that, then I begin to wonder the depths of God's love for us. His Son, on a cross, compassion and grace. How deep do I think that God's love goes? Just as far as the tangible love that I can feel or beyond that? What is "that"?

The conversation of love in my heart almost always ends with the question of approval. Am I good enough? Do I make enough people happy? Am I wanted, loved, needed...the list goes on. My love is flawed. If I am loving to see the love of others, the approval of others and the need of others it is not altruistic and it's not from God or a reflection of God. Something that struck me the other week in the way that I love, was a statement by Joe at Church, "God will not love you any more or any less, no matter what you do". I think that part of my problem with my understanding of love is that it's a give and take sort of thing, you give, I take--I in turn reciprocate and it's "mutual". But love should go far beyond this giving and receiving and become more of a way of life for me. What if my life was a continuous outpouring of love for other people? What would I gain? Maybe nothing, maybe something, but it'll be worth it and gaining is not the point. I think that it will make me a more whole person a person that can accept and give love freely is one that can maintain a constant outpouring.

Everyone needs love but there shouldn't be an expectation attached to it. I think that might be what is at the heart of what I'm currently struggling with. I want to be loved but can't love myself because of some realistic expectations of who I'm supposed to be. God doesn't set expectations and neither should we for ourselves or for anyone else.

Today, I'm going to try and live an expectation free day. Live a day where my soul (yes, soul) purpose is to show love to people.