Jealousy

Jealousy is such an ugly characteristic and emotion of people. I've found myself in the balancing act between jealousy and longing.  Where do the two meet? When have I let go of the longing and slipped down the hole of depravity and jealousy?

I believe it's when I take control.  When I begin to worry. Worry exists when you think that God is not big enough to handle the details of your life and you begin to covet what your neighbor has, feels and is.  I've been teetering between jealousy and longing lately in many facets of my life, when ultimately I should be more aware about how God is providing for me and knowing that ultimately he's going to be the only one that will meet the needs of my deepest longings.

In contrast, I think that we need jealousy to understand God.  He's calling us to redemption and so very desperately wants that from yet we continue to give ourselves over to other things.  He's jealous of those other things.  I think these song lyrics say it best,

"He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of the sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me." -"How He Loves Us", John McMillan

I just pray to bent beneath the weight of God's mercy.  I want to have his will be revealed to me so that I'm not longer a jealous person and more importantly, he's no longer jealous for me.