An Addendum

This is an addendum of sorts to my last post. Today as I sat in Patrick's mom's funeral and watched her family and friends suffering amidst the pain, I began to pray. I prayed in a way that Patrick himself had suggested the other morning at breakfast. I prayed with God. The more I prayed the more focused I became on the needs of others specifically Patrick, Brad and the rest of the family. I wasn't wallowing in how I felt in the moment (which funerals, aside from the obvious are really really difficult for me) but rather on the people around me.

I really felt like I experienced God there in the sadness. I don't believe he likes us to suffer but he does use that suffering for His good. I looked back on my own suffering in my life and how I've used that and how God has used that. I've noticed when I let God take my anger, my sadness and my despair to use it for His benefit I am blessed. Today in the sadness that I felt, I allowed God to take control of that through prayer with Him. I think that's what made Job who he was. He didn't pretend like everything was okay, he was angry, he was sad and his life was horrible---BUT he let God in and began to talk to Him and to pray with Him.

I hope that I can continue to feel the Holy Spirit in my prayer just as I did this morning--even through the numbness of pain and sadness.